I'm not even supposed to be here today.

For me, one of the biggest hobby developments of 2017 had absolutely nothing to do with baseball or baseball cards.

Earlier in the year, it was announced that Upper Deck (remember them?) was coming out with a set devoted entirely to Kevin Smith's 1994 cult classic, Clerks. This was particularly exciting for me because Clerks is one of my all-time favorite movies (by far my favorite from Smith's catalog) and aside from the small four-card Major League insert set in Archives a couple years back, none of my favorite films have received the cardboard treatment.

Trouble was, boxes of the product were going for north of $100, largely due to the fact that autographs of Kevin Smith and many of the actors who appeared in Clerks were randomly inserted into packs. I love the film, but not enough to pay that kind of money. Besides, all I really wanted were the 72 base cards in the checklist.

So I waited.

And I waited.

I waited a good month hoping someone would put a base set up for sale. Nothing, only auctions for autographs and rare parallels (numbered to 37 copies) from this set which I had no interest in purchasing. (Bunch of savages in this town.)

It wasn't until last week that finally -- finally -- someone listed a complete Clerks base set, which I purchased for all of $15. Better yet, the cards are numbered chronologically in accordance to when they occur in the movie ("Waking Up" is card #1, the opening image of the film) so it was kind of like watching the flick all over again flipping through each of the 72 cards.

Though a few of my favorite scenes were noticeably absent from the checklist, this terrific Clerks set included many of the film's classic moments, such as:

I feel good today, Silent Bob.

I'm gonna buy some CHEWLIES GUM!

I'M 37?!

Hey, you, get back here!

Better shown in a later scene.

Oh yeah, and...what was that called again?

You're not allowed to rent here anymore!

YEAH!

I don't know if sorry can make up for it. You've highly offended me.

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

YOU KNOCKED THE CASKET OVER!

I'm offering you my body and you're offering me semantics.

(RIP, Lisa Spoonauer.)

Maybe that Asian design major ex-fiancee of hers slipped her some opium.

Duh-nuh, duh-nuh duh-nuh duh-nuh duh-nuh, salsa shark!

You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude, but most of them don't bring you lasagna at work. Most of them just cheat on you.

You know what the real tragedy about all this is? I'M NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE TODAY!

You're closed!

[cue credits]